The Emotional Breakdown Got here (And I Cancelled Our Addition)

I haven’t made any selections which can be 100% engraved in stone at this level, however since lots of you’ve mentioned through the years that you just get pleasure from it once I share my thought processes, let me begin at first and inform you what has transpired during the last two days.

As I suspected, the emotional breakdown over our ruined dwelling fitness center flooring and subfloor lastly got here. In case you missed that saga, you may learn this post after which this post. It began with me being pouty, feeling sorry for myself, and albeit, being a bit passive aggressive. And that’s not like me in any respect. I’m speaking particularly concerning the passive aggressive half. There’s usually nothing passive about my aggression once I get offended or upset about one thing. 😀

Nevertheless it began two nights in the past when Matt was already stress-free in mattress, and I felt the burden of all of the information these days got here bearing down on me. First, the $21,000 for the entire dwelling generator. After which the 1000’s (I’m undecided precisely how a lot but) for the entire dwelling dehumidifier that Matt actually needs. After which the house fitness center flooring and subfloor. After which I began getting upset and feeling sorry for myself. I dragged my unhappy butt into the bed room, feeling so sorry for myself that you just’d suppose an precise tragedy had occurred, and I mentioned in my most passive aggressive method, “Effectively, I suppose we’ll simply NEVER get that addition, will we?” Poor Matt. 😀 He’s had 22 years of coping with me (and I with him and his idiosyncrasies), so he is aware of methods to speak me down from the ledge once I get like that. And after about half-hour of speaking, I had calmed down. He had assured me that if I needed that addition, I may have that addition. We might make it work.

However after throwing my little mood tantrum, and even after Matt had calmed me down and I felt a lot better, that thought had been planted in my mind. What if we didn’t do the addition?

That was exhausting to consider. In spite of everything, we’ve been speaking about and planning that addition for years! I’ve dreamed about it. I’ve put a lot time and thought into the ground plan till I had precisely what I needed. I’ve met with the builder. I’ve met with the architect. We had been nonetheless planning on beginning that addition this 12 months.

Or had been we? I imply, it’s already the center of July, and nothing has been achieved. The architect that’s allegedly drawing up our plans has been M.I.A. for months now, and I’ve made no efforts to get in contact with him and lightweight a fireplace beneath him to get our plans achieved. Why is that? Matt has instructed me repeatedly that we are able to begin the addition instantly. Actually, any time now. Simply every time I’m prepared.

So if this addition is so necessary to me, why have I not been extra proactive in ensuring issues are shifting forward with it? I’ve been completely joyful to remain in “planning mode” for years now, and though I’ve the inexperienced gentle to maneuver ahead every time I wish to, I nonetheless haven’t achieved it.

So yesterday, I made a decision to get actually trustworthy with myself as a result of there’s one thing there, and I don’t suppose you must be a educated psychologist to see that. I’m the one hindering the progress, and I’ve to be actually trustworthy with myself as to why that’s. And it comes down to 2 issues…cash and house.

First, let’s speak concerning the house. Matt and I are solely two individuals. And but, whereas our home isn’t large, it’s already fairly sprawled out. The truth is, one good friend who came visiting didn’t understand that the door within the sitting room led to a different very giant room (i.e., my studio). The primary time he noticed what was past that door, he mentioned, “My goodness, Kristi, your own home is just like the TARDIS!” (Bonus factors if the reference.) And it form of is. From one finish to the opposite, it form of appears to go on and on. New lands, and new adventures await as you move by every doorway. 😀

After which there’s the cash concern. The estimate that the builder gave me got here to $226,358.90, and that’s earlier than we determined so as to add on an extra 200 sq. ft in order that we may push the again wall of the addition again far sufficient to make room for a big walk-in closet in the main bedroom, in addition to different storage that we would want for Matt’s gadgets (i.e., Hoyer raise, bathe wheelchair, and so forth.). At an estimated $200 per sq. foot, that will increase the fee one other $40,000. That’s virtually $270,000.

I imply, that quantity astounds me. Once we first began speaking concerning the addition a few years in the past, the quantity that the very first contractor gave me was $70,000. That was pre-COVID, earlier than provide line disruptions, and earlier than the inflation from these issues made the value of nearly every little thing skyrocket. We went from an estimate of $70,000 to an estimate of $270,000 within the span of about eight years. And naturally, that price ticket doesn’t even embody any furnishings, decor, plumbing fixtures, or customizations that I’d wish to do (i.e., the nicer trim that I like and issues like that).

I simply don’t even know the way I can justify spending that a lot cash on this home so as to add on extra room and make this home even larger and extra sprawling for simply two individuals. I gained’t go as far as to say it’s an ethical concern, as a result of it’s not likely that. (And I don’t wish to come throughout as passing judgment on others who dwell in even bigger homes with every kind of facilities. They will do no matter they need with their cash with no judgment from me.) However for us, for our state of affairs, for our home, for our neighborhood, it simply feels…icky. I don’t even know the way else to explain it. It feels icky in my thoughts. And it’s that feeling that has been holding me again.

However the place does that go away us? As a result of proper now, our flooring plan appears like this, and this has at all times been “progress” in my thoughts. I’ve by no means as soon as thought of this anyplace close to “completed”.

That tiny little room behind the grasp rest room is the unique grasp rest room. It’s not even accessible from inside the home anymore. It’s simply been sitting there, hooked up to the home however inaccessible, and ready to be demolished. After which there’s the sunroom. Whereas that room is the place the washer, dryer, and scorching water heater presently dwell, the room itself isn’t salvageable. It was not constructed correctly, and it may possibly’t be redone. The one choice is to tear it down. It can’t keep. Interval.

So yesterday, I had one other down day. That’s when the tears got here. I wasn’t feeling offended anymore. My passive aggression had dissipated. I used to be simply feeling unhappy. Blue. Discouraged. I used to be feeling like this home had lastly overwhelmed me. So I sat down at my desk within the studio, opened up my laptop computer, pulled up our flooring plan on my picture modifying program, and simply began enjoying round to see what I may give you. And I noticed that we do, the truth is, have some very cheap, doable choices.

First, there’s the obvious resolution to present us a much bigger bed room. If now we have to switch the ground and the subfloor within the dwelling fitness center, that might be the proper time to take away what stays of the unique closets from that room. That will sq. up the room, take away these visible boundaries, and make the room fairly a bit larger. And because it’s hooked up to the grasp rest room, it might naturally be our master suite. The bonus is that it’s the brightest room in the entire home. I like the pure gentle that pours into that room each morning.

After which the present visitor bed room (which is the room we’re presently utilizing as our bed room) might be break up into two areas, with one changing into the laundry room accessible from the hallway, and the opposite changing into a big walk-in closet accessible from the bed room.

It will principally take the home again to its authentic footprint. In case you’ll bear in mind, the again wall that you just see in that flooring plan simply above is the unique again wall of the home. That’s why the again wall of the kitchen initially had a window in it. By the point we purchased the home, the sunroom had been added. However that window was initially an exterior window.

And that’s additionally the rationale the unique hallway rest room had a window in it. Once more, by the point we purchased the home, that window regarded into the sunroom. And since we deliberate so as to add on from the start, I eliminated the window once I transformed this rest room.

But when we don’t do the addition, I may truly put a window again in that room! That rest room may have pure daylight once more!! That thought alone makes me giddy.

At that time of enjoying round with the ground plan, I assumed I had misplaced my thoughts. In spite of everything, if I had been to maneuver ahead with this plan, that implies that we might have turned what was initially a three-bedroom home right into a ONE-bedroom home.

A ONE-BEDROOM HOUSE.

That was virtually an excessive amount of of a hurdle for me. Might I truly try this? Might I flip this home right into a one-bedroom home? Folks would suppose I used to be loopy! They’d suppose I’ve utterly misplaced my thoughts. Have I misplaced my thoughts? Is that essentially the most insane factor {that a} house owner has ever achieved? I imply, would we ever be capable of promote a one-bedroom home?

After which I caught myself. My goodness, I used to be doing the very same factor I’ve been preaching in opposition to for 17 years now! I actually just wrote a blog post about this very matter solely days in the past!! There I used to be, attempting to determine how this home will be personalized to greatest go well with our wants, and I used to be fearful about what some anonymous, faceless, unknown, potential future purchaser could take into consideration my selections. However Matt and I purchased this home as our endlessly dwelling. We’re those who paid the mortgage. We’re those who paid off the mortgage. We’re those who personal this home. We’re those who dwell right here. We’re those who have to be snug right here. It’s our wants and desires which can be necessary when making selections about this home. And the way may I encourage others to cease designing and adorning for that potential future proprietor if I can’t even do it myself?

So after giving it a ton of thought, I truly gave myself permission to go there and to be okay with it. I one way or the other managed to be okay with the thought of a one-bedroom home.

However, in fact, these modifications didn’t resolve all of our issues. I nonetheless desire a eating desk someplace. Matt nonetheless wants his Theracycle, and I don’t actually wish to quit my rebounder or treadmill (though, I’m open to promoting my present one and getting a a lot smaller one). So whereas we don’t want a whole bed room devoted to being a house fitness center, having a spot for these three issues is non-negotiable.

So I began enjoying round extra. After which I assumed, “What if we simply add on a laundry room?” So I began in search of a spot to place a laundry room, and the proper place for it gave the impression to be proper behind the kitchen. And identical to that, one other downside solved itself. If I put a door from the wheelchair ramp into the laundry room, that makes bringing in groceries a lot simpler! And the entire “from the storage by the laundry room to the kitchen” format is a fairly widespread one.

And with that format, I wouldn’t have to chop the present visitor bed room into two. I may preserve it one large room that might be half closet and half exercise space, and the center might be left open to retailer Matt’s large gadgets after they’re not in use. I truly spent fairly a little bit of time trying to find issues like “combo closet and exercise space” and “walk-in closet and residential fitness center mixture“. Whereas I didn’t discover a lot, I did discover just a few examples of individuals combining these issues.

In fact, each time I solved one factor, it created one other downside. If I add on a laundry room and switch the breakfast room again right into a breakfast room in order that I can have the desk I need, the place does Matt sit and watch TV in the course of the day?

So I saved on enjoying round, and I lastly eliminated the entire partitions between the present kitchen, present sitting room, and potential future laundry room. After which I eliminated the labels from these areas in order that I may see them as a clean house. I additionally eliminated the label from the pantry simply because I’m open to new prospects.

And that’s just about the place I left it. However I can inform you that I really feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I used to be truly so enthusiastic about this that I had a tough time sleeping final evening. I feel I lastly drifted off round 2:00am, after which I wakened at 5:30 desirous about it once more, excited concerning the prospects. I wasn’t simply desirous about the probabilities for these areas, however I used to be additionally desirous about what this may free us as much as do. It will free us as much as have our driveway poured instantly! It will free us as much as construct my workshop within the very close to future. It will free us as much as go forward and construct the deck or patio or no matter we’re going to placed on the again of the home in order that we are able to truly begin having fun with our yard. And we may do all of that with out going into debt. No debt. I like the thought of that. There’s a lot freedom in that. Sufficient freedom, the truth is, to make the thought of dwelling in a one-bedroom home sound very nice.

So I’m nonetheless desirous about it. I’m going to be doing an entire lot of praying about it. And I’m not going to strain myself to hurry to any selections. I wish to do what feels peaceable, and I’m not 100% of the best way there with any of the choices I’ve thought of but. However I’ll positively let y’all know once I get there.

Addicted 2 Adorning is the place I share my DIY and adorning journey as I transform and beautify the 1948 fixer higher that my husband, Matt, and I purchased in 2013. Matt has M.S. and is unable to do bodily work, so I do nearly all of the work on the home on my own. You can learn more about me here.